Steve Martin is the goofy uncle we always wanted, but that’s not saying nearly enough. He captured our hearts with 1979’s The Jerk, which is still a source of common reference around the Warby Parker office (even if, uh, not everyone was alive to see it in theaters.) He’s also a virtuosic banjo player, an excellent—and underrated!—novelist, a playwright, and a surprisingly prolific user of Twitter.

We picked up a copy of his 1977 book Cruel Shoes for a dip into the vintage Steve cellar, and thought we’d share the Top 10 Pieces of Advice we learned from reading it:

1.  Don’t be a slowpoke.

2. If you smoke too much, your lips will fall off.

3. If you accidentally dial the wrong number, it’s important to offer cash compensation in addition to an apology.

4. Children are not born with an innate sense of respect.

5. Don’t look at fine art during daylight saving time.

6. Don’t fool with renegade cows.

7. You should not carry a lunchpail.

8. Instead, you should keep a sandwich in your pocket in case you get hungry.

9. The best diet for health consists of one egg, one raisin, and a pumpkin pie with whipped cream and chocolate sauce.

10. It is not dangerous to have dogs in your nose.

Thanks to our friends at Flat Vernacular for the excellent backdrops behind these titles.

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